11.Divorce is better for children than seeing their parents at war.
23 November 2015
“For Children Divorce is better than seeing their Parents at War.”
Most people are misled to believe that divorcing does the kids more harm than staying together in a hostile relationship (Kendler 55). Many generations of parents have followed this advice and hoped that the sacrifices they made would yield better fruits for their children in the end. In fact, many parents living in the 21st century still believe that sticking to the partner, despite the ugly confrontations that might erupt right before the children, is better than divorcing (Kendler 59). This paper briefly discusses the reason this notion is wrong and tries to explain why the opposite might just be right.
Two recent studies revealed that even moderate degrees of conflict between the parents do affect the children (Kelly and Emery 352). These conflicts were discovered to be changing their sleep patterns and arousing negative attitudes in them as they undertake their day to day activities (Kelly and Emery 356). According to the study, the confrontations do not have to be violent for the children to be disturbed (Kelly and Emery 357). Even when parents do not talk to each other, the children can detect the bad blood between them. That alone was found to deprive them of thirty minutes of sleep every night (Kelly and Emery 359). In one of the studies, children who grew up in families with troubled marriages were interviewed to see if they did get used to the situation with time (Kelly and Emery 362). The results revealed that none of them got used to the situation (Kelly and Emery 361). In fact, the more the conflicts they witnessed, the more “sensitive and tense” they became to those situations.
In conclusion, choosing to stay in a marriage for the kids is a choice that only considers the child’s need for a physically present father and mother. It does not take the child’s emotional well-being into consideration (Kendler 83). Children are often not happy when the parents divorce in emotion but remain together in the flesh (Kendler 85). Whether the parents stay together or separate, the children will be affected if the relationship between the parents is a bitter one (Kendler 86). Therefore, parents need to weigh their options carefully while choosing to divorce or to stay together. If they cannot make peace with each other, a properly managed divorce would be better (Kendler 87). The two could just co-operate with each other in making vital parental information concerning the children and make them feel loved even if they do not stay in the same house with them (Kendler 89).
Kelly, Joan B., and Robert E. Emery. “Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives.” Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 352-362.
Kendler, Howard H. “A Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage.”Annals of Theoretical Psychology: 55-89. Print.